i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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