so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
