I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
