uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
