Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
