Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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