Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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