As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
