Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
