im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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