Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
