just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
