hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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