she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
