Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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