Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
