there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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