yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
