I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
