Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
