Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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