at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
