i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
