dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
