I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
