What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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