im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
