you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
