Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
