is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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