i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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