Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
