My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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