Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
