you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
