She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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