I cannot find my penis.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
