Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
