You just made me feel so damn special
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
