did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
