P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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