Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
