I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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