So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
