arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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