It's Friday. Sex?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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