Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
