The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
zippers are such a cool invention
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
