I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
