dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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