Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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